In Memorium

William Kenneth Calhoun — Deceased Oct 09, 2015

The following in the eulogy written and presented by family friend Bill Sampson at Ken's memorial service held at the Trinity Episcopal Church in Lawrence, Kansas on October 18, 2015.
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At their best, military academies forge fellowship and leadership and character. Ken Calhoun’s school was such a place.

When Ken arrived at Culver he found a full-dress campus standing proudly amidst the hardwoods of northern Indiana.

On its east side, Lake Maxinkuckee beamed the morning sun through sally port and onto Batten Quad. Graduates include Hal Holbrook, Lamar Hunt, Roger Penske, George Steinbrenner, Jonathan Winters, and Gene Siskel. Then, as now, it was difficult to get in. Today, one needs a nearly-perfect SAT score and letters of recommendation that would fill a small suitcase.

I don’t know how Ken felt about Culver when he arrived as a fourth classman, but I have an idea: He was excited! This slender youngster from Emporia, Kansas, was eager to make friends; he was eager to test his mettle against the country’s best and brightest; and he succeeded at both.

Four years later, six feet two inches tall without his shako and 6’5” with it, Ken wore the saber swinging from his belt because he had earned it. He was part of “Battalion Staff,” and they proudly led their four companies in the Garrison Parade at graduation. In the glistening eyes of his parents, he must have seemed a giant.

50 years beyond that moment, Ken was facing not the fierce competition of the athletic and academic lists at Culver, but a different contest — his second go-round with lung cancer. When his doctor told him he needed chemo therapy close on the heels of radiation, Ken told his doctor the chemo would have to wait. He planned to attend another Garrison Parade, this one at his 50th-year reunion; and he wanted nothing to interfere with it. Like he had 50 years before on graduation, he planned to march alone through the Iron Gates, ram-rod straight despite the back pain, saluting crisply as he passed through. That was three years ago . . . and he did.

Had Alexandre Dumas described D’Artagnan as “tall, dark, and cocky,” he would have nailed Ken Calhoun at age 19. Just back from his pledge year at the Sigma Chi house at KU, browned by the strong Kansas sun, Ken was sitting at Whitey’s Bar with Jeff Hawes and Phil Fleming — Aramis and Porthos, respectively, watching the world go by.

Across the parking lot, a minor automobile accident had grabbed their attention. On one side of the barely-damaged car, one of their high school classmates was jawing with the police officer. On the other, a pretty young nursing student was growing agitated over getting to school on time. Just before the officer allowed the nursing student to drive the car to class, our hero boldly announced to his friends, “That’s the girl I’m going to marry!” Then he bolted from the bar, got there before she pulled away, hopped into the front seat, and introduced himself to a startled Judith Cartright. She stayed startled for more than 50 years.

Ken graduated from KU and went to work for Target in Minneapolis. Ken had grown up in retail, and the big-box store with the big red logo seemed a great place to start. Only two years later, though, Ken’s dad asked him to return to Emporia and run the family department store, Newman’s, and Ken agreed to do so.

For 33 years, Ken greeted the employees, went to the trade shows, presided over the sidewalk sales and their annual rush on bath towels, helped the customers, and made himself indispensable. Along the way, he served as Chamber Vice-President, President of the Emporia Country Club, and 14 years on the Emporia State University President’s Advisory Council.

When Newman’s finally closed its doors, Ken took on the Emporia Community Foundation, lending his business expertise to a new organization that would grow and become a model for foundations like it all over the Midwest. Elvin Perkins, who orchestrated Ken’s appointment to note a year ago that reads in part:

“The day that you came to the Emporia Community Foundation is the day that should be marked as the date of the rebirth of that Foundation. There is no way that I could give you the full measure of the credit you deserve for sharing your talents and knowledge as well as your unbounded energy to transform the foundation into a nationally recognized and functioning entity. The community has been greatly improved by the footprints you have left and I am a better person by reason of the work we did together. In the process of these joint efforts, I greatly enjoyed the time we shared.”

Ken developed his reputation for trustworthiness by honoring the commitments he made. And on the day before he died, he chaired the meeting of the Bella Sera Finance Committee.

First meetings are important--and they certainly were to anyone meeting Ken Calhoun. Ken knew Janice had just become engaged to Paul Debauge, perhaps his closest friend. But she looked a little stiff as she approached his cart that weekend morning at the Emporia Country Club. And when she said, "Oh-- you're the one Paul told me about," Ken crisply informed her women were not allowed on the course on Sundays . . . and sped away.

TRADITIONS

Ken was a traditionalist in many things, not the least of which was his cocktail before dinner. Famous Grouse was more than an upland game bird in the Calhoun household, and Ken would generally head for home once the clock struck 5:00.
Ken liked a good wine, as well; and he was not above experimenting with the exotic when it came to other beverages. When Missy was married in Hawaii, Ken discovered the Mai Tai. Bringing the idea back to Emporia with his typical enthusiasm, Ken corralled Jeff Hawes at the Lake one Saturday afternoon determined to learn how to make it. Jeff says it took a number of attempts . . . , but they finally figured it out around sundown. Jeff’s last daylit recollection was Kenny’s leaning on the propane tank for support and looking dreamily out across Lake Kahola as though he’d never seen it before.

Ken may have been drawn to golf because of its many traditions. Certainly, he enjoyed the game; and he mastered its arcane rules. A strong player whose patience served him well on the course, Ken enjoyed small wagers, and he enjoyed deciding what they would be.

Ken played with many players who were better than he was; but few could beat him. Hearing of a match years ago involving Ken, Stan Sommers, and others from Emporia, Stephani laughed and told her mom, “They’re in a bet they don’t understand and can’t win!”

Lake Kahola was the site of many family traditions — among them, “Sunday services.” Ken and Judith and the girls would regularly spend summer weekends at the Lake, where it seemed too far to go back for church. As water skiing was not allowed until 8:00 a.m., and as early morning would most likely assure the glassy surface everyone prized, Ken would roust everyone out of bed, see to the making of the coffee and orange juice, load everyone on the boat, drive to the middle of the lake, and lead the devotions. Most Sundays, that involved the Culver Choir played at full volume from the boom box, Ken’s brief acknowledgment of the beauty of God’s creation, a briefer “Amen,” and a full-throttle start at the stroke of 8:00.

There were endless pranks and pratfalls at the lake, such as the time Ken saw his neighbors out skiing, walked into their kitchen, and removed every label from every can in their pantry. Or the summer when Nolan was visiting and Ken and his grandson noticed Jeff Hawes out on the lake. Crushing ice into snow balls and storing them in an Igloo cooler, the pair stole down to Jeff’s house, scoped out a hiding place, waited, then pelted Jeff as soon as he stepped onto the dock.

LOVE STORIES

The underlying theme for Ken’s family . . . in fact, the only theme . . . was love. When his daughters would call about knotty problems they were having with their own children, Ken’s advice was always the same: Love them, then, love them some more.

With Ken, of course, there was some tough love thrown in for good measure. When Caroline got so mad she slammed the door of the house through the wall behind it, Ken drove her to Home Depot . . . and introduced her to the mysteries of spackling compound and sheetrock tape.

And when Laci would toss an occasional, 100 mph tantrum, Ken would look her in the eye and tell her to “calm down and write a letter about it.” For Grumpy, she would.

But Ken’s great love story was Judith.

We have covered its unlikely beginning in the parking lot outside Whitey’s in Emporia. Over time, his love story became less impetuous. Ken learned that what he enjoyed the most were the things he shared with Judith. One of those was diving, and diving… got them to Bonaire.

Each year, on their last night at Bonaire, Ken would collect cheese, bread, and a bottle of champagne and take Judith to the south end of the island and their favorite place, Red Slave. They would sit down at sunset, talk about their most recent 30 days on the island, and then about what became the 31 years they had come to the same spot. When the champagne was gone, Ken would throw the cork into the water and repeat the vow he had made from the first: If the cork floated back to them it was a sign--they would come back the next year. If it did not float back, they would come back the next year anyway . . . and find it.

PRIDE OF PLACE

We are on our way to The Symphony of the Flint Hills, a sunswept concert that features Michael Stern’s fine Kansas City orchestra and an even finer landscape.

On the way, we go first to Emporia . . . the first place. Ken takes us to the throw-back coffee shop on Commercial Street-- of which he is proud and where he knows everyone inside, and then to the downtown park that he built, of which he is prouder.

The park celebrates Emporia’s first hero, William Allen White, by quoting him; and it celebrates William Lindsay White—the Gazette editor Ken knew — by quoting him, as well. The park is spare . . . eloquent . . . perfect.

We head west. Though we are not in a hurry, it feels like it. On the way out of town, Ken speaks fondly of Clint Boyer, Emporia’s newest hero, whom Ken also knew—mentored, in fact, helping to keep the popular NASCAR driver close to his roots.

We are close to the lake.

If there were Smoky Mountains around it, Lake Kahola would occupy a “holler.” Instead, it sits west and a skosh north of Emporia, surrounded by low hills of high beauty. The hill to the east — visible to the water skiers and to nearly every dock and residence—defines not just the reach of the lake, but its character. So important to the feel of the place, it was purchased by the home owners’ association at Ken’s suggestion, ensuring its sharp ridge line would greet the next generation boat.

We crest the hill ... the lake at last appears … and we stop? Though we are on a dirt road barely acquainted with afternoon traffic, the gesture is dramatic, for we are hidden from anyone following us. We are out there—exposed. But this is the view Ken wants us to have. Once dubbed “the Mayor” of Lake Kahola, Ken is like a modern-day Harold Hill: He knows the territory.

His hill is just off to the west, reclining beneath a lazy summer sun. If we had a 4x4 we could get there in a minute.

It’s pure Kansas—

• Big and little blue stem grasses and brightly painted wildflowers march up its face;
• Cumulous sentinels patrol its horizon;
• Meadowlarks wheel over its fence lines.

The view from the crest takes in their house, the lake--where he drove the boat at the perfect speed, and the ridge line to the east.

We all look; no one speaks. “There,” Ken says.
“When I die, that’s where I want my ashes scattered.”

Judith, who has heard this before, says nothing. We have not heard it before; but by now we understand. Place. Place defines this man.

This place, which evokes ...

• His nearby boyhood, and Emporia,
• Lake Maxinkuckee,
• Bonaire,
• His favorite times with his family and his friends,
• His ferocious pride in his home state,
• All of his traditions ...

This place defines him best.

Under the wide and starry sky,
Dig the grave and let me lie,
Glad did I live and gladly die,
And I laid me down with a will.

This be the verse you ‘grave for me:
“Here he lies where he long’d to be.”
Home now is Kenny,
Home and free by Kahola ... ,
Home to his hill.

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------------------------- OBITUARY -------------------------

William Kenneth Calhoun II, 71, of Lawrence, formerly of Emporia, died of cancer in his home on October 9, 2015. Ken engaged in life through his wit, wisdom, banter, and challenging conversations. He was kind and caring. His hope was that the world would be a little better for his being in it because nothing else mattered. Above all, he believed people were more important than things. He lived his beliefs until his last moment.

Ken was born September 4, 1944, in Emporia, Kan., the son of William Gunn Calhoun and Dorothy Crain Calhoun. He attended elementary schools in Emporia, graduated from Culver Military Academy in Culver, Ind., and received a BS in Business from The University of Kansas in 1966. While at The University of Kansas, he was a member of the Sigma Chi fraternity and a member of the competitive intramural volleyball team.

He married Judith Elaine Cartright of Iola, Kan. on October 16, 1964. Ken is survived by his wife, Judith; his two daughters, Stephani Calhoun Davis of Greenwood Village, Colo. and Melissa Calhoun Sottoway (Doug) of Portland, Ore.; four grandchildren, Madeleine Anne Davis, Kansas City, Mo., Caroline Calhoun Davis, Lawrence and Greenwood Village, Nolan Gunn Sottoway and Laci Cartright Sottoway of Portland.

Other survivors include two sisters: Carol Wood (Bill) of Rockville, Md. and Kay Mehrer of Stilwell, Kan.; his sister-in-law, Nancy Watts (Lee) of Carlsbad, N.M. and his loved cousins, nieces, and nephews.

After graduating from The University of Kansas, he worked for the Target Stores in Minneapolis, Minn. He then returned to Emporia to join the family-owned business, Newman’s Department Store, from 1968-1998, and continued as Secretary and President of Newman’s Inc. until 2011. He was Firm Administrator at the accounting firm of Pool & Wright from 1999-2006. He joined the Emporia Community Foundation as CEO and Secretary in 2000, retiring in 2013.

While living in Emporia, Ken had roles in numerous organizations, boards, and community efforts. He was involved in the United Way from 1973-1987, serving as Chair of the Budget Committee (1973-1977), President, Drive Chairman, Steering Committee, and Steering Committee Chair. He served as a Chamber of Commerce Director from 1974-1977 and 1996-1997, and Vice President in 1977. He was an advocate of Mainstreet and BID efforts, serving as a Board Member and President. As Project Pride Chair, he developed and raised money for street landscaping, and he developed and raised money for the White Park. He was a member of Emporia Enterprises (now Regional Development Agency) during the acquisition and development of Park III in Emporia.

Ken served on the Citizen’s National Bank Board and successor banks from 1974-1999 and on the Jones Trust Board from 1974-2006. For the Jones Foundation, he held the positions of Secretary from 1974-1994 and President from 1994-2006. He was a Director for the Newman Regional Health Foundation from 1968-1976, 1993-1996, and 2010-2013, holding the office of President in 1975-1976 and 1996-2012. He was a member of the Calhoun Foundation, serving as Secretary from 1969-1999 and President from 1999 until 2012 when it became the Calhoun Family Fund with the Emporia Community Foundation.

Ken was a member of the Emporia Country Club, served three full terms on the club board, and was President in 1974, 1998, and 2012. For the Kahola Homeowner’s Association, he served four full terms as a Director and was Treasurer from 1987-2011. During that time, he oversaw the formation of both cabin and homeowner’s associations. He was a member of the Emporia State University President’s Advisory Council from 1998-2012.

He was recognized as Man of the Week by the Emporia Gazette in 1971 and received the 2013 Lifetime Achievement Award from the Emporia Area Chamber of Commerce.

In Lawrence, he joined the Lawrence Arts Center and the New Generation Society. He was an active member of the men’s golf community at Alvamar Country Club and of a coffee group at J&S Coffee Company. He closely followed Kansas University and Emporia State University volleyball and basketball teams. He served as Finance Committee Chair of the Bella Sera Community Association.

He left a legacy of accomplishments, yet his greatest gift was leaving a lifetime of memories for his family and friends. Memorials in his honor may be sent to the Emporia Community Foundation, 527 Commercial, Suite 501, Emporia, KS 66801 and designated for the Heather Stewart Endowment Fund for Camp Wood student scholarships or for the Fund for the Future Endowment.

Memorials also may be sent to The Culver Educational Foundation at 1300 Academy Road 18, Culver, IN 46511.

Services will be held in Trinity Episcopal Church, 1011 Vermont Street, Lawrence, KS on Sunday, October 18, 2015 at 1:30 p.m., with a celebration to follow.

Online condolences may be made at rumsey-yost.com.

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An article was published in the Emporia Gazette with similar content:
http://www.emporiagazette.com/news/article_e4f49b94-6700-57d9-bb17-3c0868314631.html

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